Nothing But Hits! with Blag Dahlia
Ashlee Simpson’s Acid Reflux Telethon

     Back when televisions had two colors and three channels Jerry Lewis made his name synonymous with Muscular Dystrophy by hosting an annual telethon that brought together the biggest stars of the era for a good cause. In that same spirit America’s premiere young entertainer Ashlee Simpson has launched what she hopes will become an annual event: The Ashlee Simpson Acid Reflux Telethon and Jamboree.

     Soon to be a Boxing Day (December 26th) tradition, the telethon will feature appearances by the cream of new Hollywood (Emeril Lagassie, Queen Latifah and Jessica Simpson to name a few) and some old favorites (Dom Deluise, the Fat Boys, surviving members of Milli Vanilli) that are sure to take the sting out of that persistent holiday heartburn.

     I caught up with Ashlee as she prepared for the extravaganza (which is airing on the Food Network in the pivotal midnight to 6:00 AM slot) and she shared some of her secrets for eating right and singing loud.

BLAG: Thanks for taking the time to chat with Plug In, Ashlee.

ASHLEE SIMPSON: Well, it is America’s fave online ‘zine, Blag.

B: Can you take a moment to explain to our readers what Acid Reflux Disease is?

AS: Sure, it’s a really really bad disease where your stomach feels all icky and you can’t even sing, no matter how good you are. And it doesn’t just ruin your appetite; it can destroy your whole career!

B: Can it strike anyone, anytime, anywhere?

AS: Most sufferers are between the ages of 6 and 63. They tend to be people who eat a lot of pizza and stuff, combined with root beer and Twizzlers. There is hope, though. The pharmaceutical industry has all kinds of great drugs for it and most of them don’t even have side effects.

B: Tell me about some of the stars we’ll be seeing at the Acid Reflux Telethon.

AS: It’s gonna be so great! We’ve got Missy Elliot and Ruben Studdard duetting on ‘Hungry Like the Wolf’. We’ve got Drew Carey and Kirstie Alley doing a bit called ‘Bobbing for Lard’ that’s hysterical. And Jessica (Simpson) and Nick (Lachey) are going to show us the difference between chicken and tuna, and why we need both for a balanced, reflux free diet.

B: It sounds like a real hodown, Ashlee. Tell us what you’ll be doing to entertain the folks watching the show.

AS: On top of my official hostess duties, I’m going to do a reading from Proust’s “Recherché de la Temps Perdu” in the original French. Then when they wheel out the big blackboard I’ll take a stab at proving some of Fermat’s Theorems and if there’s time I’ll even hit the telescope for some intergalactic fun!

B: That’s pretty heady stuff, Ashlee.

AS: Psyche! I really had you going there, huh, Mr. Punk Rock Legend! No seriously, I’m doing a song from my new record ‘Rebel Without a Voice’. It’s the first pop record done entirely in mime. Shields and Yarnell came out of retirement to help my dad produce it and the people at Universal are so jazzed on it that they’re sending me all the way to Haiti for a promotional tour.

This telethon is just another way for me to show young America that a singer shouldn’t be judged by her voice, it’s the whole package that counts. And from every tax deductible dollar donated, thirty cents goes to help fight the scourge of acid reflux. Together, we can conquer this disease in my lifetime. Maybe even before dinner.

B: Ashlee, has anyone so cute and unassuming ever done more for mankind than yourself?

AS: Maybe Mother Theresa, but she never had to deal with the heartbreak of acid reflux disease. Just remember, until there’s a cure, there’s the Ashlee Simpson Acid Reflux Telethon and Jamboree. Be there, or be bloated and gassy.