Dark Meat
"Truce Opium"

(Emergency Umbrella Records 2009)Dark Meat - Truce Opium

How would you suggest making one of the worst records ever? Would you try to follow Lou Reed's example and make as much distortion as humanly possible and record it for about an hour? Or would you try to play all the instruments completely keyless? Let's be honest, it's quite to easy to make a bad album but you must have some real talent to make an album so horrible that'll it'll have Allah, God, Brahman, Zeus and any other gods you can name me, losing their faith and jumping off a tall building. Put simply, Dark Meat have created the worst album of the year, and to be honest it's a contender for the worst album of the decade.

We begin with "The Faint Smell Of Moss" which begins with chords that made me think that I had just discovered a slice of retro - soul. However Dark Meat would never stand for such enjoyment and instead the song turns into an Irish jig which, admittedly, doesn't sound too bad. Then the vocals come in. Oh, God. This reviewer will tell you the truth - he thought that someone had broken into the studio whilst drunk and sung over the master track of the song. But the next song "Future Galaxies" had the same screeching over them and this reviewer suddenly realized that the vocals didn't belong to a drunken burglar. They belong to the lead singer. But don't think it's just the lead singer's fault, oh no, the music is just as bad if not worse. It literally features the guitar work of a two year old combined with trumpets that for some reason can only play two notes.

"Flaps" has the guitar player discovering a wah-wah pedal and going crazy. Not in a good way either. The vocalist shows off to the listener that he can scream loudly as well as being able to sing completely out of tune. The trumpeters stick to the two notes they have learned but this time don't even try to sound like they are part of the band, instead they blow as hard as they can and hope for the best. Dark Meat then must have thought to themselves, "hmmm well those last songs were really bad, but we don't feel that they show off just how bad we are" and then must have written "No One Was There" which is essentially ten minutes of rubbish occasionally interrupted via a cat being murdered.

"When The Shelter Came" is what this reviewer assumes is Dark Meat's attempt at a pop song and somehow (I have no idea how they achieved it) it isn't that bad. A female voice breaks through the mold and actually sings rather well. However the lead singer can't allow singing to be in tune and shouts as loud as he can over her. As for the music it's the best on the album and to be honest it's bland, boring and repetitive which just tells you about the quality of the rest of the tracks. "Last of the Frontiersman" returns the album to its unholy roots of evil with a song so boring that it will soon be prescribed to insomniacs. "Yonderin" has the lead singer reminding us of his talent to be able sing tunelessly and scream at the top of his lungs. It's awful beyond description. This reviewer has tried about a 1000 times to sit through the final track "Song of The New Year" and the furthest he has got is to about the four minute mark. It's the worst song ever. I almost lost my faith in music due to this song. It is absolutely terrible.

So let's sum up shall we? Dark Meat have created something evil that must be destroyed at all costs. It's the worst thing this reviewer has heard and he can only warn you now before it's too late - please do not buy this album as you shall be emotionally scarred for life.

F

buy it!