Metal Retardation
"Metal Retardation"

(Bill Zebub Productions/MVD Visual 2009)Metal Retardation - Metal Retardation

If the title of this DVD didn't tip you off, this isn't a movie featuring in-depth interviews meant to plumb the psyches and inspirations of metal acts, shedding light on their craft. No, this is simply bands screwing around and answering ridiculous questions, and (presumably) having a good time doing it. Featuring a host of well-known artists including Cannibal Corpse, Nevermore, Finntroll, King Diamond and Candlemass, "Metal Retardation" makes good on its promise of a lobotomized viewing experience.

The movie plays like an ADHD-riddled child madly clicking through various YouTube clips, with ultra-short sound bytes being flashed at you at a pace that would make even a non-epileptic foam at the mouth. The interviews themselves are like the comments section of the aforementioned repository of the interhole's feces, with emphasis on topics that have nothing to do with anything, female interviewers in the laps of the musicians at all times, and lowest common denominator excuses for humor that include jokes involving Chuck Schuldiner's death from brain cancer. Ha. Which isn't to say it's all bad, there are some genuinely funny and entertaining moments, like seeing King Diamond in a backward racing cap sans makeup, Cannibal Corpse frontman George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher almost being prodded into singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb," and just about every word that comes out of the late, great Peter Steele's mouth.

The interviews are taken from many different points in time, and the video quality ranges from passable to total shit, which truthfully fits in with the aesthetic of the movie. Which is to be DIY, crude, and...retarded. There's a line between silly and inconsequential yet fun entertainment, and eye-rolling, schlocky pointlessness. "Metal Retardation" falls on the wrong side of that line. This isn't anything that you can't get from pounding some Red Bulls (or Red Stripes) and rifling through videos on the interwebs for an hour and a half.

C

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